Skip to Content

Get Weighed

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

"I want to get weighed," she said. They walked over to the weight guesser, and he guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale. It read 117, so she won a prize.

The couple then went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Since they had been there before, the weight guesser guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

Joe decided Kim was weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

Dinner Choices

Wife :       'Do you want dinner?'

Husband:      'Sure! What are my choices?'  
  
Wife:         'Yes or no.'

Marriage Humor

Wife:         'What are you doing?'  
  
Husband:     Nothing.

Wife:         'Nothing...?  You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband:      'I was looking for the expiration date.' 

British Rail promises but doesn't deliver

british rail - be careful not to get sucked off

British Rail - Always promsins, never delivering.

Penis Tan

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

Blonde Lady Speeding

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.

Officer: May i see your licence?

Lady: what does it look like?

Officer: its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.

The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

Morning

I was walking through the cemetary and saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, "Morning..".  He said, "No.  Taking a shit."

Two clever nuns

 

There were two nuns One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

Better than a flu shot

Better than a Flu Shot!

Miss Beatrice, the church organist was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. 

The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said,

'I wonder if you would tell me about this?'

Pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.

 

If you are over thirty

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning....Uphill... barefoot...BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda

Syndicate content




Come back to enjoy more of our Clever Jokes. We want you to smile, chuckle and laugh. Enjoy our collection of funny, hillarious and amusing jokes in many of categories along with funny quotes, videos, riddles, funny cartoons, one liners and more!